Till It's Gone
by Chaosweaver6139
Summary: You don't know what you've got till it's gone. I've heard it before, but with Naruto on the brink of life and death, will that old saying prove true for me, as well? If so, what can I do about it? Rated M for gore and child abuse.
1. Pave Paradise

Weaver of Chaos here, again. While I work on a few other things, this little story popped into my head and would not leave me alone. It's quick, dirty, and less detailed than I would really have liked, but hey, I got something out, so there's that.

**Disclaimer: **The dude named above owns no rights to any character, location, or concept from the Naruto Universe, and use of such is done for no promise of profit, either real, or perceived.

**WARNING: **The following story contains allusions to child abuse, neglect, rape, and suicide. You have been warned.

"**Do you know why the kit spent almost all of his life professing his love for you, girl**?" A booming, yet feminine voice echoed from the mist that had been rising from the blood in the room. Oh, Kami, the blood. It was all over the walls, the floor, it was soaking into the small, beat up bed. There was even evidence of arterial spray on the ceiling. my dress was slick with it, even my hands, glowing green with healing Chakra, looked like I was wearing gloves made from the fluid.

I ignored the voice, all my attention focused on trying to close the wounds that simply refused to stop leaking his life's blood. Where was the Response team? I had flared my signal almost ten minutes ago!

"Sakura, what- sweet Kami!" The familiar voice of my mentor nearly jarred my concentration. I could feel her demeanor change instantly, the boy she considered a grandson was turning blue beneath my hands. "Report!" She demanded as she began working along side me.

"**You acknowledged him**." The voice continued. It sounded so sad, yet disturbingly powerful. "**In a world of indifference, derision, and outright hatred, you alone proved his existence. A lonely little boy with no one to play with**."

"I arrived ten minutes ago to retrieve Naruto, like you asked, Shishou. He didn't answer, so I entered to find this scene." The words the voice uttered echoed in my mind, forcing me to recall a simpler time, when I would play in the park with a dirty, blue-eyed boy. Until, of course, the other kids convinced me not to.

"It looks like Naruto-kun was attacked, Tsunade-sama." Came the voice of Shizune from my other side.

"**Beaten, tortured, raped. His cries for help ignored. All for things a child would have had no control over**." The voice was now full of regret, and brought a new wave of tears to my eyes when I recalled how hollow his gaze was when he thought no one was looking. Always hiding pain behind that stupid smile. That same grin he used... Every time I... Hit... Him.

"Impossible! There hasn't been a Fox Hunt since he became a ninja, and his intruder seals are still intact." Jiraiya was here, too?

"Jiraiya, go find a Yamanaka and meet us at bunker nine!" A flurry of wind, and the perv was gone.

"Shouldn't we be bringing him to the hospital, Shishou?" I wanted to get Naruto the best help I could. I may not have always been the best to him in the past, but, in the year since he came back from his trip with Jiraiya, he treated me like a sister, despite his apparent feelings for me.

"**Knowing nothing of anything but hate, he believed the only way to show his gratitude was to profess his undying love for you. It grew daily, despite your rebuffs**."

"Normally, yes." She replied, sadly, as she prepped to move him. "However, we can't risk the Kyuubi getting free I'm the hospital should the worst happen. ANBU! I want Anko and Ibiki combing this apartment for anything out of the ordinary. Let's move!"

I have never before moved with the urgency that I did on that signal. If it weren't for the fact that we were both carrying the knucklehead, I would have outstripped Tsunade in a heartbeat. All the while, the red mist continued to follow me. How had no one else seen it?

"**He knew, that no matter what he did for you, what length he went to to ensure your never ending happiness, that you would never see him the way he wanted to be seen. So he locked that part of himself away, just for you, the one person who saw him as a child. The most precious of his precious people**."

That damned voice kept following me! Things weren't that bad, anymore, were they? He was respected by the rest of our generation, and only the hardliners of the older generations actively showed their continued distrust of him.

"**A lifetime of neglect and abuse does not disappear overnight**." It was wistful, angry and forlorn all at once. "**Despite it all, he only ever wanted one thing**."

We arrived at the bunker before I had time to process that thought, and I saw Ino standing with Jiraiya, a worried look on her face. "Ino-san. As soon as you are ready, I want you in there trying see if Naruto saw his attacker. Anything you find, no matter how innocuous, will be reported. Understood?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama!" She practically shouted in the small room, before grabbing a chair and setting it at the head of the operating table.

On and on we worked, but progress was not forthcoming. after an hour, Tsunade growled in frustration. "Why isn't the Kyuubi helping! It always has in the past."

A single word reverberated on the wind, a word that drew out fear I never thought I would feel. "...Can't..."

Tsunade and Jiraiya gazed at me, wide-eyed, before turning to each other. "The seal!" Jiraiya immediately began examining Naruto's stomach as my mentor turned a disbelieving stare onto me.

"She's right. Completely locked." The white-haired Sennin groaned before his fingers lit with Chakra, trying to open the seal back up.

"How did you know?" Tsunade asked, pleading, begging for some sort of answer, or fix.

"I can hear it... Her, like she's whispering in my ear, things about Naruto's life. She sounds so sad." Naruto had never said anything about the Kyuubi or their relationship, and having only my experience in the matter being Gaara during Orochimaru's invasion, I didn't know what to expect, buy it certainly wasn't sadness.

"Is Kyuubi trying to help him, or escape?" She continued, the job would be easier without having to fight a runaway Bijuu, obviously.

"Help him..." Ino gasped as she disconnected the jutsu, turned in the chair, and emptied her stomach on the floor. She then proceeded to slump in the chair, pale as a ghost.

"Sakura, get Ino out of here, clean her up, and get her report." She ordered, not even looking up from the wound she was stitching.

"But-" I started, only to be cut off.

"You need the break to replenish your Chakra. With our luck, it will be a long night."

Not wanting to argue anymore, I put Ino's arm over my shoulder and practically dragged her out of the room. An ANBU showed us to a quiet room, and in short order, I had her looking good as new. Well, minus the pale green glow to her cheeks, anyway.

"you okay, Ino-pig?" I asked, trying to display a lightheartedness that I certainly didn't feel.

"Blood. So. Much. Blood." She whispered to no one.

"Yeah, that sounds like a no."

I nearly jumped through the ceiling at the unexpected sound of Mitarashi Anko's voice. Right. In. My. Ear. Crazy bitch... "Dammit! Don't do that!"

"Letter for you!" She said in an entirely too chipper tone, completely ignoring me.

"What?" I asked, incredulously.

"It's the only thing out of the room that isn't completely soaked in blood, and it's addressed to you." She looked more solemn than I had ever seen her. "It's the gaki's handwriting. It seems like whatever happened, he wanted to make sure you got it. So, here." She handed me the envelope, then plopped down right next to Ino.

Hands trembling, I opened the letter, praying to Kami that it would just be some silly love letter he never got around to sending. The Kyuubi's words, however, had me dreading what was inside.

_Dear Sakura-chan,_

_I'm sorry. Sorry I couldn't bring Sasuke-teme back for you. I'm sorry that you had to put up with my stupidity when we were younger; you never saw me that way, I know. I'm sorry that I'm just not strong enough. Above all, I'm sorry that you're probably the one who is going to find me._

_I can't do it, anymore, Sakura-chan. Smiling despite the pain and pretending everything is alright. I still see the looks when I walk down the street, hear the whispered conversations. I have not been attacked by the villagers since the night I nearly killed Mizuki, but I still wake up every night, biting my tongue until it bleeds, just so I don't scream. Every time I look in the mirror, it is a reminder of how much I am hated by the people I promised on my life to protect._

_You were the one shining star in my life, my Tenshi. As my childish understanding of love grew and evolved, so did my love for you. But so did I grow in other areas. I knew when I began my trip, you would not see me as I saw you, that I would never be allowed my single dream and desire. But to lose you from my life would remove my reason for living, so I changed my approach. If I could not have your love, I would become a brother, someone to confide in and protect you._

_More evidence of my stupidity. The more I learned of you, the more my love expanded. The more time we spent together, the more I was reminded of something I could never have. Kami only knows how much I longed to take you by the shoulders and kiss you until you could not remember your name. To hold you in my arms and tell you how beautiful you are while we watch the sunset. Stupid dreams for stupid people, I know. You would never see me like that, your father makes certain that I understand that._

The rest if the paragraph had been hastily blotted out, but I was able to make out words like "reinforce" and "lesson". Why would my daddy do something like that to Naruto? I know he didn't like the Kyuubi, but still...

_I can't keep living a lie, the pain only gets worse. I truly hope that everyone can forgive me for being selfish, just this once._

_~ Uzumaki Naruto_

_P.S. When I said, last year, that you hadn't changed, I meant it. After all, how can you improve upon perfection? I love you, and always will. Goodbye, Sakura-chan._

For an eternity, I simply sat there, staring at the paper in my hands. I didn't know how long I cried, or when Anko began trying to comfort me, her own tears falling on top of my head. But, throughout it all, I was thinking. He was right, I never had thought of Naruto the way I thought of Sasuke. The question is, why?

Sasuke was from a clan with a Doujutsu, was broody and mysterious, and hated everything. Some list.

Naruto was funny, energetic, caring, goal oriented, compassionate, and always putting other people ahead of himself. Sure, he was a but of a doofus, but given his background, it's understandable. Hell, given his background, he had more right to be like Sasuke than Sasuke did. But he never once let people know that it so much as bothered him. And the number of times he saved my life, why wasn't I in his arms right now, having sweet nothings whispered in my ear, like only a hopelessly romantic dweeb such as Naruto can?

_Your father made sure..._

"Anko-san?" My voice was dangerously even.

"Yeah, Pinky?" She responded with a sniffle.

I pointed to the part of the letter that mentioned my father, and in a too-sweet tone that sounded similar to my mentor's when reprimanding the pervert, said, "I think my dear old dad just became a person of interest in an ongoing investigation, and just scheduled an appointment with someone of your expertise."

she dried her eyes and let her patented crazy lady grin take over her face again. "For the gaki?" At my nod, she vanished with little more than a cackle.

With Ino still catatonic, I was left with time to think. Naruto loved me, that much was obvious. Somewhere along the line, however, he had lost the will to continue. My father may, or may not have had a large role in events that helped keep my eyes closed to Naruto's true self. The true question was, now that I could see, what did I see? How did I feel about Naruto? Did I love him back? Many of the things he did put a smile on my face. But was that love? If not, was I willing to seek it out?

What was I thinking? He's lying in the next room, bleeding out, and I'm debating whether or not I can love the best thing that happened to this village? would that matter though? If he died, would my feelings matter? Was I willing to let him die before I had the time to figure out my feelings?

"No."

But, how was I going to get someone who had no will to live, who had just tried, and may yet succeed, to kill himself, how was I going to jump start him? I had no Chakra left to heal him, so that was out.

"That's it!" I jumped out of the chair, stormed back into the room and got right in Naruto's face. "Uzumaki Naruto! You are not allowed to die, do you hear me? I am not allowing you to die until you take me out on a date!"

An ANBU grabbed my shoulders and began pulling me away, when a cold, wet hand pressed against my cheek, followed by a weak voice. "I... May have to... Take a rain-raincheck... Sakura-chan."

"Ah! I figured it out!" Jiraiya shouted, his fingers flaring with Chakra.

An explosion of Kyuubi's Chakra knocked us all against the wall.

"Fix it, you idiot!"

"He's entered cardiac arrest!"

"I barely touched the damn thing!"

"Level two raiton pulse, now!"

"CLEAR!"

I suddenly remember why I don't put suicide notes into my writing... feels too real. This is intended to be a one-shot, but i think i could be persuaded to continue. Just remember, not everyone gets a happy ending.


	2. What You've Got

Alright, so, due in part to people wanting me to continue this story, as well as an overwhelming boredom at work, I have decided to continue Till It's Gone, at least for a little while. As I said at the end of the last chapter, this will NOT have a happy ending, do not pass go, do not collect $200. That does not mean, however, that there will not be happy moments. So please, sit back and enjoy.

(Disclaimer on chapter 1)

"Naruto-kun!" I screamed as my head shot of the pillow with such force, I nearly flew off the end of the bed. Pillow? Bed? Was it all a dream? A nightmare fueled by... Something? It was then that I noticed that I was not in my own bed.

It was then that I heard the voices coming from the other side of the door.

"Suicide?" Came the all-too-familiar voice of my mentor.

"Correct, Hokage-sama. Wrote a note to Sakura and everything." Responded my one time rival for a traitor's affection. So it wasn't a dream. The Chakra. Did the seal fail? Did Naruto... "Maybe I should wait until everyone involved has had a chance to rest, Hokage-sama."

"She has a point, Hime. How many of those pills have you popped since we got down here?" The sound of crying came through over Jiraiya's question.

"Why? Why now, Jiraiya? He was always thinking of other people, why did he have to be selfish on this, of all things?" Tsunade was in hysterics. Could the worst have happened? Tears stung my eyes at the thought of losing the one person who had my happiness closest to his heart. "What did we do wrong, Jiraiya? I thought we were turning his life around, giving him a reason to want to protect this hellhole of a village, again. We should have done more, praised him more. I should have shown him how much we cared, how much I cared for him. He was just like Nawaki, and now..."

There was a deafening crack, followed by stunned silence. Until, of course, the white-haired pervert broke it. "Damn it, Tsunade! The gaki's not gone, yet." I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. He was still alive, and I still had a chance to make up for my stupidity. "No amount of self-pity is going to change what happened. Hell, us getting lost in our sorrow is part of the reason this happened in the first place! The only thing we can do now is make sure that when he wakes up, he doesn't ever want to try again."

"How the Hell are we supposed to do that, idiot?" She screamed, probably quite angry with him for that slap earlier. "I can't exactly just give him the hat after this stunt."

"Hokage-sama, I'm pretty sure this had nothing to do with his desire to be Hokage. The memories I was able to observe all point to one wish, one dream, that supersedes even the desire to be recognized as the strongest in the village."

"Then enlighten us, miss Yamanaka. What is this dream of dreams that will turn my godson back from the path he has set himself on?" Tsunade asked, rather irritably, like the whole thing was Ino's fault. Hokage or not, this sort of thing was just uncalled for, and I found myself moving, unbidden, toward the door.

"Now, hime, there's no need to be like that. Naruto is the important thing, right now." Jiraiya pleaded in a tone of voice that I normally only heard when she was about to pound on him for being a perv.

"He wants a family." The words came out of my mouth before I had even realized that I had opened the door.

"He has a family!" She shouted defensively. "Jiraiya and I are family."

I shook my head slowly, memories of conversations with Naruto over the last year, subtle hints, desperate looks at kids in the park with their parents. "No, you are the Hokage, and Jiraiya-sama is his sensei. He tried to hide it with his nicknames, I think, but it always seemed forced, like there was a gap between you when he talked." I sighed, she looked so hurt by the idea that his behavior had been little more than an act. "The ramen chefs, too. They always had too much to gain by being friendly, that he never let himself get too close, as well as his own personal desire to keep their business from suffering because they associate with him." I looked down at my hands, note still clutched tightly in my right. "Is Anko-san back?"

"Back from what, Sakura?" Tsunade asked me, her eyes also falling on the letter in my hand.

"I went to have a chat with Pinky's pops. She had a concern that he might have had some part in what sent gaki-kun off the deep end." Anko said as she popped up right next to me, nearly giving me a freaking heart-attack.

"And why was councilor Haruno being investigated?" Tsunade asked, looking between myself, Anko, and Ino.

I gave her the letter, pointing to the place that mentioned my father's lessons. "My father seemed to have it in his head that Naruto-kun needed to be kept under thumb and away from me."

"That's not all he had in his head." Anko stated with a sad smile. "No matter what I did or asked, he seemed to be unable to remember anything about ever actually dealing with the kid."

"Was Naruto somehow mistaken, then?" Jiraiya asked. I was quite hopeful for that, myself. No way my daddy could be the kind of monster that would drive someone to suicide.

"Afraid not, old man." She sighed. "He was a bit disoriented when pressed, so I had Inoichi take a dive into his twisted little head."

"And?" Tsunade pressed, and I noticed that Ino was looking a bit green.

"He found what appeared to be a very strong genjutsu, the likes of which he hadn't seen since before the Uchiha massacre."

"A Sharingan genjutsu?" Tsunade was shocked, it seemed to me that she couldn't believe that something like that had happened under her watch. "Who could have done it?"

"My money is on that old hawk, not that we can prove anything." Jiraiya scowled as he began to pace up and down the hallway.

"So, does that mean my father is innocent?" I had to know. I mean, come on, the man did raise me.

"Unfortunately not." Anko didn't sound too happy with whatever they had found, but did pretty well hiding it behind her professional sadist mask. "The genjutsu, according to Inoichi, was designed to cause him to act out his darkest, most violently twisted desires on gaki-kun. And while it is unclear whether or not he would have acted on those desires without the genjutsu, the fact that he did do these things is grounds for imprisonment."

"But, if it was a genjutsu..." I started, only to be interrupted by Ino wrapping he arms around me.

"The fact that daddy found a genjutsu like that is probably the only reason he wasn't executed on the spot, Sakura." I looked into her eyes and saw just a fraction of how much she must have witnessed in Naruto's mind. "Some of the things that Whiskers remembers make me wonder how he survived as long as he did."

"Speaking of memories, miss Yamanaka, how did this happen? How did he manage to do that much damage to himself without passing out?"

"He didn't, Hokage-sama." Ino swallowed heavily, her eyes flitting to me before she continued. "Naruto, after writing the letter and adjusting the seal on his stomach, created a dozen clones with various weapons. He then used the henge to transform into councilor Haruno. And, after saying some things which I will not repeat, the clones proceeded to 'get their revenge' on the man that tormented him."

Tsunade gasped, fresh tears running down her cheeks, and the burning of my own eyes told me I was crying as well. My own father, whether intentionally or not, was almost singlehandedly responsible for nearly taking away what I have come to realize is the best thing to happen to me. It will take a very long time to forgive him, and I feared how hard it would be to convince Naruto that everything he knew was, at least on some level, wrong.

"Sakura..." My mentor started, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yes, Shishou?" I turned to her, only to see her reading the rest of the letter Naruto had left. She looked up and stared at me in a calculative manner, much as she had done in the day I asked her to train me. For some reason it made me very nervous. She pushed me back into the room I had come from and closed the door behind her, locking it.

She sat down and motioned for me to do the same. Looking back to the note, she sighed. "If this is to be believed, Naruto's feelings for you are as strong as they've ever been." Still nervous, I could only nod. "And, judging by your outburst last night, you seem to have realized that your infatuation with the Uchiha has blinded you to something far better." I gave her a sheepish look before nodding again, half expecting an I told you so. "Did you promise him the date because you felt sorry for him? What is motivating this change of heart?" By the end, she was gazing at me intently, as if my continued breathing was dependent on my answer.

I took a deep breath as I realized that it probably did. "I have known for a long time that he believed that he loved me. He always supported me, no matter how much it hurt him, no matter how much _I_ hurt him. All that time I was pining after Sasuke, using Naruto's support and love for me in order to maintain some stupid fantasy. When he came back from his trip, he stopped trying to get me to love him, but I could still see the look in his eyes. He treated me like a sister, but I knew he wanted nothing more than to embrace me. It wasn't until I read the letter that I truly thought about how the kind of person Naruto was, was exactly what I fantasized about how Sasuke would be when I snagged him. I don't know how I was so blind to it for so long, but Naruto is everything I have ever wanted in a relationship, and now that I can see that, I will do everything in my power to make him just as happy as I know he will try to make me."

She stared at me for a long moment, until I felt as if I had failed her test. A smile suddenly split her face, and I let out the breath I had been holding. "Good answer, Sakura. Naruto deserves every chance at happiness he can get." She stood and moved toward the door. With her hand on the knob, she looked over her shoulder. "I wish nothing but the best for you, Sakura, but that brat is very precious to me. If you break his heart, I will break _you_. Understood?"

"H-Hai!"

After she left the room, I spent some time thinking. How was I going to make him happy, while at the same time showing him that I truly cared and was not simply pitying him. I could definitely not just jump him the moment he awoke and offer him my body. Not that the thought of giving myself to Naruto was disgusting, but going from 'violent prude', as someone had one called me, to some sort of skank, would raise too many alarms. Dates, I had to start with simple dates. Ease him into the idea that Sasuke is no longer in my heart. Maybe I should ask the girl at the ramen stand, Ayame, I think her name was, to teach me how to make it.

Before any of that, though, I needed to see Naruto, make sure he was still alive with my own eyes.

I was quickly able to find the room he was kept in, and as I entered, I nearly started crying all over again. He was in a full body cast, and even his eyes were covered. Only a small tuft of familiar blonde hair told me I was in the right place. He was hooked up to more machines than I had ever seen in a single room. I stifled a sob, realizing that, in some way, I was responsible for the shape he was in. If I had only been able to see the kind of person Naruto was, I could have avoided this.

I sat in the chair next to the bed, brushing my fingers through the bit of hair escaping from the cast. "Naruto?" No response. Should have figured he wouldn't be conscious after everything that had happened. "I can't tell you how stupid I feel, right now, Naruto-kun. I spent years chasing some silly little schoolgirl fantasy, trying to get my hands on someone I knew nothing about. I was blind, Naruto-kun, I know that, now. No matter how I treated you, how harsh my words and actions were, you were there to support me, to make me feel special, wanted, loved. As much as it hurt you to watch me chase after someone else, you never stopped supporting me.

"I know that there is probably no way to ever fully apologize to you for what I've put you through, and even if I were to try, you would just wave me off with a smile. So, I want you to know one thing, mister: I have every intention of being by your side through whatever life throws at us, and if you still want to, we can build the family you always wanted." I placed my forehead gently on his shoulder, so as not to aggravate his injuries. "But, only with you, Naruto-kun." His heart was beating in a soft, strong rhythm that soothed my worries about him not surviving. He was going to live. And, if I had anything to say about it, his life was going to be happy from now on.

I wanted to sleep, so badly. To let his heart play me a sweet lullaby, but I knew there were still many things that would stand in the way of my new promise. So many questions that could end things before they began.

How do I prove to Naruto that he is not just a replacement for Sasuke? That he is the one I want, no matter what.

How do I explain that my father's actions were, in some small part, not entirely his own? Was the explanation of a Sharingan genjutsu going to be enough?

Then there was Hinata. How was she going to react to all of this? Naruto's attempt is likely going to break her heart if she hears about it. I don't even want to think about what she will do when she find out that I'm stealing the boy she loves.

I sat and thought about it for some time, should I tell her? How would she react? Could I survive the barrage of Jyuuken strikes that she would rain down upon me?

No matter the outcome, I knew I needed to speak to her. If only because she knew more about Naruto's childhood than I do.

Determination in my mind, I stood, planting a soft kiss on what I hoped was the corner of his mouth, and left the room. Glancing around, I noticed the spiked purple hair of Anko. "Anko-san, could you keep watch on Naruto-kun for a bit? I need to go to the Hyuuga compound."

"Sure thing, Pinky. Be careful with the princess; Jyuuken can be a scary thing." Anko replied with a smile and a wave.

So, there it is, the second bit of the story.

Will Sakura's meeting with Hinata go well?

Will Naruto wake up soon?

Will Sakura be able to make our hero happy?

Will our hero ever get the girl?

Does Sasuke like the taste of snake?

Tune in next time to find out the answer to these, and many more questions, on Till It's Gone!

Been lovely kitties, but it's time for me to go. Reviews are greatly appreciated, as always.


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